i am happy but i am sad

too many things have taken place within a blink of an eye. yes, i know my number-one-bil will make a big deal when he sees this blog finally updated.sigh.

there was my japan trip that i drafted some time ago and never finished. sigh.

and then there were bits and pieces of Raya preparation and celebration which i decided would be best uploaded in Facebook since i know i am such a bummer when it comes to blogging. sigh.

and then there was this trip to Thailand which involved a lot of eating and hair colouring which i just could not find the time to write. sigh.

and a hundred other beautiful things i left untold because as i am writing this i am feeling very tired and sleepy.

but i am determined to post this one up. by today.not that there is much to share, but it is important that i accomplish this.no, not for anyone else but myself.funny how we struggle day in and day out to complete our tasks at work but do very little about the things that mattered most to us.

of course, one of the major things that took place in 2008 was news of me renewing my pregger membership. the good news took on a different note two months down the lane -that is, apart from the pregger membership i also renewed my morning-sickness license. the traumatic experience lasted for almost a month and a half- resulting in unpaid leave, hospitalization and in-room lock up, eventually. since everything around me smelled nasty, avoidance was the best remedy to all that.

yes, i am still thrilled about being pregnant but i can't help feeling useless and down at the same time.

oh, and did i mention, apart from learning that there are other preggers in the family like Baby & Shasha, i also have a partner in crime at work! My lunch buddy Puteri is also expecting -4th child and FINAL pregnancy according to her la. Let's see :)

as for me, thank God, things got better as the new year unfolds.

i was back at work on the 2nd day of new year. a lot of things to catch up with. also a bunch of emails that needed to be replied.

but i must say i am quite excited to be back at work but by 5pm i start to feel extreme exhaustion. sigh

not to mention the weird dreams accompanying my sleepless nights. the scariest was when i dreamt my gigi all tercabut and patah. based on personal experience, it has been proven true that this will follow suit with news on someone's death soon.
few days later i received news my grandma is very ill-so this must be it.... but one perculiar element in the dream kept bothering me. dhiana and shariman were present in the gigi patah dream. nothing much can be done but to pray for their safetiness and the same time balik kampung to visit nenek. her condition was very unstable.one minute she is ok, and the other minute she is not.

finally at 3 in the morning Mak received a call from London. Aunty Mahani passed away.... it may be a coincidence but no wonder there were elements of ....in the dream. sigh. may her soul rest in peace.

ok, back to 2009. things were getting pretty well until i received news of my beloved professor who has delevoped a critical illness. for someone who leads a healthy lifestyle, it just doesn't make sense. i finally got to speak to her yesterday and listening to the sound of her voice gave me the assurance that she will come through it all just fine, InsyaAllah. and i believe there is a silver lining somewhere, who knows. sigh.

so yes, if you ask me i am currently with mixed emotions. despite being happy, i do feel sad.